Minority women constitute only about 13% of the female population (age 15-44) in the United States, but they underwent approximately 36% of the abortions.

According to the Alan Guttmacher Institute, black women are more than 3 times as likely as white women to have an abortion

On average, 1,452 black babies are aborted every day in the United States.

I know this isn't a popular topic but I don't care. I have got to share something. I don't know exactly why but someone needs to know this. I believe that when you tell people they shouldn't do something that you need to give a good explanation as to why. What better explanation than one from experience? April 17th was the anniversary of the death of my first child. He, I believe the child was a boy, was not stillborn, he didn't die of SIDS, but he was murdered 26 years ago. That's right, murdered! Not in a drive by, not in an accidental handgun incident, not by child abuse or neglect, and not by some pedophile. He was murdered LEGALLY and by his mom and the medical professionals who hold a license to commit murder. Each year there are 2 days that I sit quietly and wonder "what if".

Those two days are April 17 and December 13. April 17th I wonder "what if" I'd stood up to my mom and said "no, it's wrong, I won't do it" and on December 13th I wonder "what would he have been today", "would he be married, in the military, a preacher, a doctor, an athlete, or what". Then I remember to give God glory. Why? Because God didn't allow depression to take over my life. My mother was a proud woman who was also firm and stern. If you were a child you didn't dare talk back to her and this was in the days when it was okay to knock your child upside the head if they were out of line. My mom knew just how to get me to do what she wanted me to do too. When it was discovered that I was pregnant, I was nearing the end of my Junior year in high school, 16 years old, a promising future complete with military enlistment as an officer and a television newscaster internship lined up and college acceptance letters from schools I never even heard of, and at this rate I was going to graduate on time the following spring with a full academic scholarship. My mom's mind was made up. Nothing was going to stop me from reaching "my goals", especially not being a single teenaged parent with no job. Her fear was that I wouldn't graduate and I wouldn't go on to college. So what she did was told me I had to get rid of it. When I said "but momma, isn't that like a sin" I was told "yes, but what's the difference, fornication is a sin but that didn't stop you". I said "I know but you always said 2 wrongs don't make a right". I was skating on thin ice already and then I had the audacity to talk back, "Had I lost what was left of my mind" I thought. She said "the bible says 'honor thy mother and thy father' so you if I tell you to do something that's it". Now looking back on that now I know she misquoted that scripture and we talked about it not long before she passed away and cleared the air.

Needless to say, I obeyed and "got rid of it" - I had an abortion. I went to the abortion clinic on a Friday, Good Friday, of all days, was escorted to the back, leaving my mother in the lobby, and prepped for "surgery". When you're prepped for this procedure, you're asked to urinate in a cup, blood is drawn, and you're examined all for another pregnancy test (as if something changed between the day you found out you're pregnant and when you arrive at the clinic). Then the counselor comes in and explains the procedure to you and how it's just a mass of flesh or a growth that they're going to remove. You're told everything will be fine but you will have some cramping for a day or two but you'll be prescribed pain meds for that. There will be bleeding but it should stop in a few days. They tell you everything but the spiritual and mental pain you'll suffer.

Here's my aftermath. My mother swore me to secrecy, "no one must know, after all what would the neighbors think?" Next, I went through trying to figure out what to tell the father. I managed that and then Senior year came. I was happy and excited. But when December came I started feeling bad not knowing why. Then April came and the depression came again. It was years later before I realized it was guilt. Graduation came and I got the college acceptance letter I'd been waiting for, called the clinic and made my appointment to refill my birth control pills. (I told y'all I'm real and transparent!) The doctor comes in and tells me he can't refill them, much to my surprised. I questioned him and he told me I was pregnant. I looked at him as if he had lost his mind and asked him what did he say. He repeated and asked me what I wanted to do. I told him nothing cause I wasn't pregnant. There was no way I could be pregnant and I was on the pill and my mother made sure I took it at the same time everyday. I came home in disbelief with no pills and called my then boyfriend and told him. He told his mother who said she knew already and made him come and tell my mother.

The next 4 months were easy enough and I went on to college as planned. Then I came home for the Christmas break and got sick. They discovered that I had pre-eclampsia and toxemia. The doctor put me on complete bed rest and every time I moved it caused a trip to the emergency room. One month before the birth of my son and on a trip to the hospital, the doctor came in and asked had I ever had any surgeries previously on my uterus. Remembering that my mother swore me to secrecy 2 years earlier, I looked at her for answers. She asked the doctor if they could speak privately, and since he knew she was a nurse, he agreed. He returned informing me that the procedure had left severe scar tissue and continued by telling me that a normal delivery would be life threatening for both me and my baby. He further stated that the likelihood of me having children in the future was none. He recommended that I have a cesarean section to save my life. He could not say if my baby would survive so I said I was willing to take my chances with a normal vaginal delivery. During this time, I began my journey back to God. I had to promise the doctor and sign a power of attorney giving my mother the right to agree to the c-section if I was rushed into the ER again. When it was time to go to the hospital again I went and they sent me home, not paying attention to the notes in my chart. Then after I got home, my water broke and we were back off to the hospital. I gave birth, vaginally, to my son approximately 15 minutes after arriving! God was merciful! The next day the doctor came and congratulated me on giving birth to a healthy son without need for surgery but told me that damage was done and I would not be able to have anymore children. This was all because of the abortion I had 2 years previously. These were the physical complications. But God!

The spiritual complications were not forgiving myself for what I had done. I was still grieving my child that I killed and had a hard time forgiving my mom for making me do it. Even after I got saved, filled with the Holy Ghost, I had issues forgiving myself. I couldn't understand how God could forgive me when I couldn't forgive myself! Finally, I had to come face to face with all of that. I had to forgive my dad for the hurt he caused my mom, I had to forgive an older boy cousin and another male family member for molesting me, then I had to forgive myself for doing something that at the time I felt I could do nothing different.

In the meantime, contrary to what the doctors said, I had 3 more children! All born vaginally without the assistance of drugs or surgery, and all born healthy and strong, just like the first one. My second born (3rd pregnancy) was actually born December 12th. Ironic, isn't it. That's just like God.

Once I began to forgive myself God healed my wounds and my womb.

Now I am not saying you'll experience what I did. I'm not saying you won't. But you may experience the pain of it and not recover. You may not have the testimony I have. God may not have the mercy on you that He had on me. Think about your choices before you have them. Before you have sex - fornication or adultery - think about what could come of it. Can you honestly have an abortion and walk away like it was nothing? Can you live with the nightmares, grief, and depression? Would God be pleased with your choice? Remember, you've already displeased him with the fornication or adultery you committed that's got you thinking about abortion in the first place. Can you face that child, if you abort it, in heaven and explain why his/her life wasn't worth your inconvenience?

Remember this. Abortion is murder. Murder is not only a sin, but is written in the 10 commandments that we should not commit murder. But remember you can be forgiven.